Dork Duval

Dork Duvet, Dick Duvet, Dirk Duval, Dork Bogarde, Pish Boy, Piss Boy, Shat Boy, Mong man
Mentally weak, generally shat. Years of soul destroying chipping yips have taken their toll.


Olloir Ballesteroids

Mungo, Bucketspunk, mong-man, Beast-Fister, Slaglander, Jobby
Utterly Shat, sometimes due to his mental mind.


Jonhard Wanger

The white Vijay, Jonhard Master, Jonhardinho, J-Wang
Mentally shat, inner game weakness. Brings others down to his level.


Virgil Tracy

Vaughanie, Frankie, Virge
Bit hairy .. five o'clock shadow by lunchtime. Bald as a badger too.


Beneriano El Nino

Stone Cold, Stone Cold Cockpiss, bum faced wonder, Bumchinkvist, Benhard
The baddest man in golf. The ladies choice.


Bernie Steakhouse

Bernie Shitehouse, Shithouse, Stenhousemuir, Biffa, The Walrus
Prone to bloating. The John Daly of Slags Golf.


Big Mac

Monty, Soft hands, Yippy the kangaroo, Mac the knifer, Rapey.
The delicate touch of Bill Cosby around the greens.


Sergey Wankoff

Fergie, Rob Roy McGregor, Aberdeen Angus, Borat
Thought to be shat.


Slammin Sam

Swanny, Swanners
Wilts under pressure.


Julio Maria Can-of-lagers

Geyser, Monty, Julio Englacias, choker, Greg, Jean Van der Velde
The Greg Norman of Slags Golf.


Dan Powerman

Rory McCrory, Rors,
Consistent underachiever



Monty, Mrs Doubtire
Mentality of Monty, swing of Brucey.


Uncle Danny Buttcheeks

Mungo, Mongo, Drongo
Takes pot shots at fellow slags.


Ralf Malf

The Ginger ringer, Ginger minger, Ginge, Ralph Malf, Ringo, Popeye Balfour, Doc
Incapable of human feeling. The Bjorn Borg of Slags


Foxy Simmons

Scribbins, El Baldito, El Bandito
One of an elite subset of slags who need to be filmed in widescreen.


Mickey D

Mickey Duck
Best years long behind him.


The Rippapotamus

Sean 'the Beast' Fister, Kenny (Dunny man), Keith (from the Office), Rupetch
Suffered horribly in the 2016 season with Bashington's digit.


Half Pint Whitting

Chav Boy, Asbo boy, Dog boy, Charver, Tadger, Prince Albert, Half Pint
The Keith Chegwin of Slags golf.


Rear Admiral Vesters

Sir, Wiggins, Winky, Jenkins, Up Jenkins, Reamer
Swings like a butterfly, stings like a pea.


Iron Balls McGinty

Extra from Deliverance
Indie-boy 'student wanker' look


The Landlord

The Gaffer, The Guvnor, Shrek
Brassy and Spoon merchant.


Luke Venereals

El Tel, Jamie Oliver, Tezza,
First Slag to be inducted to the Wooden Spooner Hall of Fame.


Matted Reamer

The Matted Reamer, Matted
Misery golf.


Uri Golfer

Uri Geller, Pull, Paul Funsize Member, Funsize Marsbar
Massive bender



Gold-member, Baron Bomburst, Mr. Scaramanga, Golf-finger, Mr Big, Dr. Julius No, Ernst Stavro Blofeld
Pretty girl, beware of his heart of gold


Andy Cap

A martyr to his 'farmers'.



Ged, Jedi
Tough competitor and rules man.


Scally Craigo

La, Sof' Lad, Wack, Ahh kidda
Gobshite. Get's riled easily ... eh calm down.


Ginger Brydon

Ginge, Pinky, Perky,
He doesn't tan ... he strokes.


Pikey Dad

Lord of the Dance
When asked who was on his bag, replied "don't speak about me mum like that"


Wild Willy

Willy, WW, Howard Jones, Captain Pugwash
Brings others down to his level