Slags Rules of Golf

Golf is an ancient game, perhaps the purest form of sport known to man. It is played on rolling fields of grass cut into hills and woodlands (these are known as ‘Golf Courses’) by gentlemen dressed in the appropriate attire (see Etiquette).

The game is played by hitting small white balls (‘golf balls’) with genetically modified sticks (‘golf clubs’) into one of eighteen holes. This is done sequentially round holes numbered 1 – 18, until the game is completed, or the players decide they have had enough and want to go home.

The object of the game is to put the ball in the hole in as few shots as possible.


The Rules of golf have been passed down from way back. From the time of the Old and Ancient, Bobby Jones, Sam Snead, Tarby and Brucey, Brassy, Mashy-Niblick and Nanna’s old wangstick. Sometime in the nineteen seventies, a father handed his young son that wangstick. With wangstick in hand that boy went on to give the world ‘Southampton rules’. In recent years we have seen the advent of ‘Bromley rules’ and ‘Tooting rules’. The SLAGS Masters will be played in strict accordance with ‘Southampton rules’.

  • No Mulligans
  • No Gimmies
  • Summer rules (no preferred lies) L
  • Local rules apply (An OOB Ball is ‘lost’ and penalty rules apply)

NB In the event that players tee shot cannot be found after 5 minutes of searching, he must return to the Tee and hit another (for a cumulative total of 3 strokes) or concede the points for that hole. The SLAGS Committee recommend (in the interest of time) that if the player is in any doubt as to whether his ball is lost from the Tee, he should hit a second ‘provisional’ drive (just in case).


It is imperative to observe the spirit of the game at all times. The SLAGS committee will not tolerate the habitual ‘sledging’ common to other similar societies. The following examples of sledging are therefore not allowed:

  • Coughing at the top of the opponent’s back-swing
  • ‘Don’t fuck this one up Paulo’
  • ‘Paulo , you’re shit’
  • Performance un-enhancing drugs.
  • Jamie.

The following dress code is to be strictly observed:

  • Collared shirt with wool or polyester / wool blend jumper. (Pringle recommended)
  • Flannel trousers (Farah slacks)
  • Spiked shoes or drinks

It is usual in golf for the person furthest from the hole to play first. However shorter hitters may not wish to wait for greens to clear. On greens offer to mark your ball if it is in the way of others. Tend the flag for others if appropriate. When a hole is completed, depart from the green to a safe distance before scoring your card. Slow play is not looked upon kindly by SLAGS.

How to Score (I) Ring your dealer. How to Score (2) We will be playing a Stableford competition. All players will be given a handicap in line with how much we like them.

Net Score Points

Bogie = 1 pt
Par = 2 pts
Birdie = 3 pts
Eagle = 4 pts

At the end of the day, the player with the most points wins!

Handy Hints

The SLAGS Committee offers the following advice (which might be very obvious to some, but just might improve your score).

Each hole MUST be considered as an individual scoring opportunity. This means doing ‘dog shit, crap’ on the first two holes does not have to screw up your entire round.

Keep in mind your stroke allowance at each separate hole. If you start a hole with a horrendous Tee shot, remember to bare in mind how many strokes you can take and still get at least a point. That score now becomes your target. Conversely if you are only half way to a green, having already taken double figures to get there, don’t get too stressed. The hole is already dead and buried. You can concede the hole if you wish: relax, enjoy the scenery and re focus for the next Tee shot.