Slags Masters 2008
14th June 2008. It was all setup to be the testimonial year for “Big Mac”, “Julio” and “Bernie Steakhouse”. Luckily for Jules, Big Mac got his dates mixed up and Steakhouse got his twanger stuck so could not make it.
Dork offered Julio a generous 16 handi (which was bumped up to 19 by public outcry), however it was still not enough. His reputation as a choker came back to haunt him and he made like Sergio, to piss his round away on Amen corner (11th,12th,13th) ending up 4th and missing out on the consolation fruit fork silverware.
It was a case of every loser wins as Dork strode up the eighteenth and with a flukey up and down from off the green pipped his ringer mates to the ultimate prize in golf for the second time (following the feats of Albert and Wanger).
This year our top columnists Dork, Blowers, Stuart Hall and Wogan were unavailable. Happily the Thatchers have taken a bullet for us.
Carol Thatcher writes:
“This years SLAGS report has been penned by my mother, Baroness Thatcher. It is very sad that a great Statesman should be ravaged by dementia to the extent that she has forgotten that her dear husband has sadly passed away and is not just visiting the Legion.
Mother has good days and bad days. Just like most of the SLAGS, she has very little idea what happened in this years Masters”
Baroness T writes
“Ah, there you are Carol. Has anyone seen Dennis?
I’ve been interested in golf since I was a young greengrocer, growing up in Grantham, when I started selling Lucozade Sport, (or was it Grouse?), to young Dennis, later to become my beloved husband. Has anyone seen Dennis?
Ah yes, the SLAGS Masters. What’s that anyway? Golf?
I’ve been interested in golf since I was a young greengrocer, growing up in Grantham, when I started selling Lucozade Sport, (or was it Grouse?), to young Dennis, later to become my beloved husband. Has anyone seen Dennis? Maybe he’s playing golf
Ah yes, golf. The SLAGS Masters. Who won that then? I think I’ve got the list of winners here in my bag somewhere. Let me see now tissues, compact, photo of Dennis. Has anyone seen Dennis?
What’s that? Golf..? Oh, yes, the SLAGS. I’ve absolutely no idea who won …. I think it may have been that handsome young man who looks like a “chubby David Cameron” …. yes, no .. that’s right … it’s the other one who “looks a bit like Boris Johnson” – Not him? Oh, well, it must have been the charming one who reminds me so much of my Dennis. Is his name Wanger, or something..? Where is Dennis anyway?
SLAGS results, that we can remember:
1st: “Dork Duval”
3rd: “Dan Powerman”
4th: “Julio Canoflagers” (coulda, shoulda, woulda … it was his year but he choked)
Long drive: “Virgil”
Nearest the pin: No idea
Spooner : Danny
Moment of the day: Dork telling Jules that it was all set up for him then suggesting he play off 16.